Made for Men? – When Our Girls Are Defined By Boys

Today I asked the young women of PEARL to tell me what they thought a woman is according to media and also according to their collective beliefs.

What is a woman?

When it came to media, the young women said (in this order) that media tells them that a woman is…

  • a hoe
  • needy
  • in need of a man
  • something to look at
  • less than a man
  • just simply “less than”
  • ghetto (if she’s black)
  • expensive
  • a gold digger

I was hurt by their answers, but I expected such when it came to what they heard the media. What shocked me, however, were a couple of the answers that THEY gave as to what a real woman is. They said that a woman is

  • human
  • female
  • sinful
  • creative
  • beautiful
  • stressed
  • made for a man

Now, I could get with the first 5 answers that they offered, but “stressed” and “made for a man” stood out to me. I mean, I’ve been walking life with some of the young women in the room for 3 years now. We’ve memorized verses from Proverbs 31! We’ve been practicing our catechisms! However, the truth is that the lies we’re told are spoken over us a lot more often than the truth.

So, we started with “stressed.” I reminded the girls of Proverbs 31 :25 “She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” I also recited a portion of 1 Peter 3:1 that says, “And you are her [Sarah’s] children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” They got it then. They realized that a woman doesn’t have to be stressed to be a good woman. That’s not the goal.

Is Woman Made For Man?

However, when I pushed back on them about being “made for a man” they really weren’t going for it at all. These beautiful young women. These Pearls. They were telling me how in the beginning God created woman for man. They were telling me that there purpose was to be pleasing to a man…even after they just got upset with the messages that media tells them about themselves, they didn’t realize that they believed the lies and clothed it in “Christianity.”

In that moment I saw why our high achieving young women fall for low, up-to-no-good men at times. In that moment I could see in their fight against me how strongly they embraced the belief that their identity was found in some Adam telling them that he would make them his Eve. In that moment I saw the reasons for so much sexual and relational compromise in our young girls.

They want to fulfill their purposes in life. And as long as their purpose is hinged to being validated by a man who deems her “worthy” of his time and affection they would be unfulfilled and broken. They would be on their way to being smart, successful, single mothers in search of a husband to prove to them that they’ve “arrived.”

So what did I do? I went through the first three catechism questions that I ever taught them.

Me: Ladies, who created you?
Pearls (in unison): God created me.
Me: What else did He create?
Pearls: He created ALL things.
Me: Why did God create all things?
Pearls: For God’s own glory.

Then I asked the magic question..

Me: So why was a woman made?
Pearls: for a man

Even after answering our catechism questions they didn’t yet put it together. So we did it again.

Reciting Truth

Me: Who created you?
Pearls (in unison): God created me.
Me: What else did He create?
Pearls: He created ALL things.
Me: Why did God create all things?
Pearls: For God’s own glory.
Me: So why was a woman made?
Pearls: *puzzled looks*

Me: Ok, let’s go back. Why did God create all things?
Pearls: For His own glory.
Me: So, why was a woman made?
Pearls: *their faces begin to brighten* For God’s own Glory!!!!

I wish I could give you a snapshot of their faces in that moment. For some of them it was as if a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. They had a moment were they could believe something more of themselves…like their future success could be dictated by something other than their bodies. My goal is to help that moment stick with them for a lifetime…to help them to allow God’s truth to be engraved on their hearts and minds.

Women were made for God and our identity is found in Christ…the perfect Son of God who paid a price for us. We have to move from truth of our identity being a fact that we can recite to it being something that we believe and walk in. It’s not enough for us to know that God created all things for His glory. We have to believe that we were created for Him as well.

My prayer is that we all begin to break the chains that our culture puts around our minds and hearts and begin to find our identity in the one who is greater.