“Why are you single?”
I get the question all of the time from people from all walks of life. I get it because someone might think I’m pretty, smart, encouraging, successful, or whatever else. I hear it ALL of the time. And, unlike some of my other single friends, it doesn’t really upset me. It just lets me know that a lot of people don’t understand how singleness works.
So…here’s why I’m single
#1 – I know myself.
I’m in my late 20s now and I’ve become a lot more knowledgeable about who I am in Christ and who I am as an individual. That means I’m more self-aware of my strengths and weaknesses, the type of leadership style I respond to most, what my core values are, what are deal breakers for me, and etc. This awareness helps me to filter out men who are great guys, but not great for me.
For instance, I’m a strong woman with a lot of vision and work ethic. This means that I don’t do well with leaders (potential suitors) who have more of the employee mindset than the entrepreneur mindset. It frustrates the mess out of me. I need to be in partnership with someone who has a vision to impact the community that’s bigger than living a comfortable life. Anything else would be settling to me. I could try to adjust at first, but after a while I’d resent my life and my husband…and I’m not trying to make marriage more difficult than it already is.
…and because of that I’ve resisted the pursuit of certain men.
I’m fine with that.
#2 – I enjoy my life.
I was recently told by a man that I was too happy being single and because of that I might find myself being single long term. I laughed. Hard.
Listen, I enjoy my God and the life He’s given me. I take joy in who He is and I delight in the days I have here to serve Him.
My joy will NEVER come from a man, friend, job, or anything else. I understand that those things can bring us temporary happiness, but I’m living to build something eternal. If a man is intimidated by the fact that he’s not the source of my joy, then I actually WANT him to stay away.
#3 – I’m not going to “make myself available”
Some singles make time in their life to be present at places just so they can find a mate. I don’t. (I don’t judge them though. Honey, do you! *two snaps*)
Outside of my alone time with God I’m usually on the move doing something in ministry, spending quality time with friends and family that have, or resting. I meet great people as I do what God has me doing, so I don’t see the point in going out of my way to particular places JUST to be seen by a man that I may not like anyway, lol.
I’d rather meet someone while I’m doing something I’m passionate about or through someone who knows and loves me.
Life is too short to act like I’m someone I’m not to get a man. That just sounds like extra marital counseling sessions down the line, lol.
So yeah…I’m single
Do I want to be married some day? Yes!!! (and within the next two years preferably, lol.) But do I NEED to be married or in a relationship to be happy? Heck to the nah (to the naw naw naw)! Lol.
I understand that God does not withhold any good thing from those who walk blameless, so I try to live right. I want to be able to trust in the fact that what I have and where I am in life is in God’s good plan for me. I also want to marry someone who’s a good fit for who I am.
I’m running a life marathon. If I notice that a potential suitor is running on the same path as I am, then maybe we can get to know each other. Until then, I am training myself to be content in whatever state I find myself in. 🙂